Werewolf with bondage issues looking for fat vampire chick with low self esteem and a tolerance for wet dog odor. Pet psychics need not apply.
FVC: Interesting opener. Are you really a werewolf?
WW: Are you really fat?
FVC: Define really.
FVC: Okay, fat is on a spectrum. You can actually be a little pudgy. Werewolf is like being pregnant – you either are or you aren’t.
WW: Then define werewolf. I mean, I do have a lot of hair.
FVC: Do you or do you not change form during a full moon and rampage about the countryside killing anything that crosses your path?
WW: Um…well no, not so much. But I do like a rare steak at the Outback.
FVC: So not a werewolf.
WW: Look, everyone exaggerates on these sites. I wanted to sound interesting.
FVC: What kind of bondage are you into?
WW: I didn’t say I was into it. I said I have issues with it. Me no likee. Anyway, enough about me. Are you really a vampire?
FVC: Don’t be ridiculous. There are no such things as vampires. However, I have seen all three Twilight movies, and I only laughed out loud two or three times.
WW: How about the pet psychic thing?
FVC: See my last reply.
WW: *sigh* I know there aren’t really any pet psychics, but there are people who think they are pet psychics. They freak me out.
FVC: Fair enough. No, I’m not a pet psychic. However, my self-esteem is fine and I’m not really into wet dog odor.
WW: I have a dog. I have to bathe him occasionally. He doesn’t like it.
FVC: I can probably tolerate that much.
WW: So if I reworded my ad to say “Normal guy with normal dog looking for normal woman to go have a steak with,” would you have responded?
FVC: Probably not.
WW: So, would you like to go get a steak with me? Say tomorrow?
FVC: Okay. Obviously, it will have to be after sunset.
WW: Then better make it Saturday – the moon will be waning by then.